THE SILLY SEASON COMES EARLY:

THEM SNEAKY CANADIAN SPY COINS:

Today's 'Silly Award' goes to the Unites States Defense Security Service, a branch of the US Defense Department. In their never ending pursuit of "intelligence" leads they put out a sensational warning that "mysterious coins with radio frequency transmitters were found planted on US contractors with classified security clearances on at least three separate occasions between October 2005 and January 2006 as the contractors travelled through Canada".

What the uber-spies of the Defense Security Service failed to note was that the contractors in question were drinking Canadian beer and thus were not in possession of their already limited faculties. The coins in question were the Canadian 2004 quarters with a poppy in the centre to commemorate Canada's war dead. The coins were actually pretty poorly produced as the red poppy began to rub off within a few weeks. The Mint applied a coating that was supposed to prevent the colour from rubbing off, and this coating was examined under high power microscopes and "appeared to be complex, consisting of several layers of clear but different material with a wire-like mesh suspended on top", according to one of the Einsteins contracting for the US government. Another contractor, probably deep into his "business lunch" cups reported that the coins had been planted in an coat pocket that he "emptied a few hours earlier". He forgot that the bar gives change.

This little example of the wisdom of the government that knows better earns the "Maxwell Smart Ultra Spy Award". One wonders, however, if the visiting contractors got behind the wheels of cars while they were hallucinating about those little ears in the quarters.