Friday, November 17, 2006

Wisdom From The Spam:
As I've mentioned before I regularly try to delete comments on this blog that offer you a failsafe method of doubling your money or getting free "anything". I'd rather continue with this policy than set up barriers to posting, not least because "I like killing worms". It's an infantile holdover from childhood where I waged war on vermin just like any other child in rural Saskatchewan. We were encouraged in this "hobby" by every adult that we knew even though the war was impossible. The vermin will always outbreed your attempts to kill it. Seems like politics, radical or otherwise, to me.
In my latest sweep I came across the following gem on my gateway email pathway:
"The invention of TV hasn't contributed the world as much as the Penis Enlarge Patch"
As soon as I deleted it I realized that truer words were never spoken. Nobody will ever get a bigger pecker from the PEP, but, on the other hand, it will never do any harm beyond the 15 people in the entire world willing to ante up to the nonsense. That can't be said about television.
I can remember "television hunting" from my younger days. At that time I lived with a woman who had two children. At that time, also, I was buying junk televisions at auctions for $5, repairing them, and selling them for $50. I came around the corner from the kitchen to the living room, and I watched the yard apes glued in front of the television watching 'The Beverly Hillbillies'. It looked very interesting so I took to timing the animal behavior. I can't remember the exact numbers, but it took between 5 and 10 minutes for a forkful of spaghetti to make its transit from the plate to the girl's mouth. The boy was similar. The blank look on their faces was impressive.
Whoa, I say. My scam has consequences. When the weekend came I took every last TV in the house out to the country and invited a couple of friends. I also bought two gallons !! of cheap wine. We all brought our rifles. Around the campfire we practiced our "marksmanship" by blowing the TVs to pieces one by one. At least the bullets flew in approximately the right direction, and I can say from experience that TVs are really neat when they implode.
Hic and double hic ! When we all dragged ourselves off the ground the next morning with 10 to the 27th power worth of mosquito bites and hangovers that defy the power of human description I worked my nauseous way back to home. The "welcoming" party was waiting. Appreciate that the woman was an Italian from Torino. Ow,ow and double ow ! Tough shit. The machines are gone. I'll get back to the argument on Sunday as soon as I get some bug free sleep.
So.......sleep secure anyone who may answer such an ad. The "patch" may not make your pecker so long that you routinely trip over it when walking, but at least it's better than watching TV. Take it from an experienced "TV hunter". It gives "Deliverance" a whole new meaning.

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