HUMOUR

IRISH JOKES:

From nowhere in particular here's a selection of Irish jokes to brighten your day. No point to them...just funny.

A. "Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear ?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."

The priest say, "Oh Mary, that's terrible. Tell me Mary, did he have any last requests ?"

She says, "That he did Father."

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary ?"

She says, He said, "Please Mary, put down that damn gun....""

B. Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner as usual when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

"Brenda, may I come in ?", he asks.

"I've somethin' to tell you"

"Of course you can come in. You're always welcome Tim, but where's my husband ?"

"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery."

"Oh, God no!', cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."

"I must Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

Finally she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen Tim ?"

"It was terrible Brenda. he fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus ! But you must tell me the truth Tim. Did he at least go quickly ?"

"Well Brenda...no. In fact he got out three times to pee."

C. A drunk staggers into a catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there.

Finally, the priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knocking. There's no paper on this side either."