THE SILLY SEASON COMES EARLY:

CONAN AND THE CIGAR OF DOOM:

The news item is available from http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1843110/posts , and it has been run in numerous Canadian newspapers. As he was leaving Ottawa for points westward after being bored silly by Steven Harper and his "girlie-man" 'Green Plan' the Terminator ordered his motorcade to stop so he could duck into a nearby Westin Hotel and purchase a Cuban cigar. It is against American law for Americans abroad to purchase and consume said Cuban product. The maximum penalty is a fine of $250,000 dollars and 10 years imprisonment for this offense. Molly ain't kidding. This is silly but it is real. Anyways.....

CONAN AND THE CIGAR OF DOOM

-by Robert E. Molly

"Know ye O' Prince, that between the years when the oceans of war drank the ancient world and the gleaming cities, and the rise of the Sons of China, there was an Age undreamed of, when shining kingdoms lay spread across the world like blue mantles beneath the stars- Russyia, Iranykia, Ktitina, Engliphir with its ancient zombie aristocracy, Saudunia, with its decadent princes, Canaboria dreaming in the furthest north, the rising kingdom of Brazoria in the south. But the proudest kingdom of the world was Ussa, reigning supreme in the dreaming west. Hither came Conan the Austrian, flaxen haired, short of word, with weights in his hand, a lifter, a star, a vote getter, with gigantic popularity and gigantic enemies to tread the jewelled thrones of the Earth under his bionic feet"

-The Mollymew Chronicles

"And listen further O' Prince to the tale that I will tell. In those days the Empire of Ussa was ruled by the evil wizard Thulsa Bush II who did wage incessant war against the statelets of Hyrkania for the oil that did light the lamps of Ussa. And the kingdoms of the world did groan and growl under the heal of this demonic ruler, offering him sacrifices of their first born sons to be slaughtered on his unholy altars. Yet in their hearts they plotted and planned for the day when the legions of Ussa would be thrown back to their own shores.

Hither came Conan the Austrian to the land of Ussa. When first he chanced upon the gilded temples of Hollynthia he laboured mightily as a slave in the spectacle mines, and he grew strong from his labours. Slaying his master the evil Promotico he joined the gladiators of Hollynthia and soon became the foremost amongst them. It was a time of great unrest when the people knew not where to turn, and Conan did slay the former Baron of Califorica, on the westernmost reaches of Ussa. Thus did Conan become the Baron of the greatest fiefdom of the Empire of Ussa. In his castle of darkness, inappropriately named, Thulsa Bush did grind his teeth for he knew that Conan's protestations of being one of the worshippers of his dark gods was false.

Now it was a time of falsehood and deceit, and the crown sat uneasily upon the head of Conan as long as Thulsa Bush did rule. So it was that Conan began to visit the kingdoms of the world, to great popular acclaim. Some years into this he did visit the primitive kingdom of Canaboria in the dreaming north. Since time unremembered Canaboria had been little noticed amongst the clash of empires. Its people pursued the ways of the plow and of peace rather than those of the sword. But lately the Kingdom had fallen upon evil times. A minor minion of Thulsa Bush, the evil pudgy dwarf 'Stevie the Sly' had risen to the throne. The brave sons of Canaboria were sent to the deserts of Afghukistan there to shed their blood despite the outcry of the people.

Conan met with Stevie the Sly and pronounced his 'Green Plan' as a 'Girley-Man Green Plan'. As his retinue mounted their horses to leave ill-omened city of Ottawankia Conan did spot a house of ill repute. Calling a halt to his retainers he entered the den of iniquity and did purchase that which was forbidden under the severest penalties in the Empire of Ussa, a magic firestick from the Isles of Cubario. Now it was the unyielding edict of the emperors of Ussa for as long as memory could testify that the magic firesticks of Cubario were the greatest of all offenses against the majesty of the Empire. The penalties were severe. One could kill another warrior in Ussa and receive much more leniency than if one touched this forbidden fruit.

Thus did Conan throw down the gauntlet in the throne room of Thulsa Bush, and the rest will be related in my next tale"

-The great bard Mollymew

Molly returns to reality here. The usual leftoid response to such actions depends upon cultural snobbery. Someone like Arnie just CAN'T be credited with intelligence. In this dream world fighting cops and ALWAYS losing is "intelligent" while lifting weights is not. The whole incestuous world view is actually too bizarre for words. No...Arnie is VERY smart. I don't claim any "radical hero" label for him, just as I don't claim it for playacters in the USA who mistake "spectacular opposition" for "direct action". The simple fact is,however, that the event was planned. It is a direct slap in the face of Bush and company, a direct challenge.

Here's where the "silly" comes in. The maximum penalties for American engaging in the forbidden pleasure of a Cuban cigar while abroad have yet to be applied. Arnie has received more heat from the "do-gooder" brigade in California who oppose his smoking habits in the California legislature than he has received from Bush and company who hate him with a deep passion.

This incident has been well publicized. Arnie has broken American law. The sensible thing for the US government to do is pretend it didn't happen and hope it doesn't get thrown in their faces too often. That's politics ! The insane thing is to do the unthinkable and actually prosecute the Terminator. The result would be a constitutional amendment that allows the foreign born to run for the Presidency. The Bush administration has always had a tenuous grasp on reality at best but their abilities to attack an opponent have become less and less as they have been sullied by scandal after scandal. Molly's prediction is that Arnie will get to thumb his nose at the silliness of the US embargo against Cuba with total impunity.